Happy Early Birthday....

Right now it is early in the morning on October 25th in South Korea. A young woman is waking up with tear-filled eyes and a bittersweet smile on her face. Today is her daughter's second birthday. Her beautiful, vibrant, strong and willfull daughter who has the most beautiful black hair and almond eyes. Just like her own. Her daughter, who can drink from a cup, eat with a fork and spoon, and ride a tricycle. Who can say Mommy and Daddy and Please and Help Me. Who would have thought that this young woman would have made it this far, survived so many empty mornings and lonely nights, to wake up on the second anniversary of this remarkable day.

She remembers it every day. The joy of seeing the beautiful new life, the precious angel she delivered into the world that day. The peace she felt as that baby girl slept in her arms for the first time. The fear of not knowing what life would hold for her or her baby. The pain of separation as she handed that little angel over to someone she did not know. This young woman remembers her daughter every day but especially on this day. This day, her daughter's birthday.

The young woman delivered a child into the world knowing that she would not get to see her grow up, go to school, get married, and have children of her own. She may not have even seen her the next day after her birth. She made an adoption plan for this baby girl so that she could ensure the baby would have the life she couldn't give her. The dreams that she could only dream for her. In the most selfless act of love and motherhood, this woman made me a mother. She made us a family. My daughter was born to this woman who I can only pray has peace in her heart for her decision. I wish that I could meet her, hug her, thank her....and maybe by God's hand, Emma can meet her one day, even if I can't.

Tonight and tomorrow night we will light Emma's Birthmother Candle and say a prayer for the woman who chose life and love for her daughter. I will tell Emma what a brave and selfless person her birthmother is for choosing adoption. And, I will have tear-filled eyes and a bittersweet smile on my face, because it will be my daughter's second birthday.

Home ONE YEAR!!

Wow!! How have we been a family for an entire year? I know, that's cliche of me to say, but I really can't fathom where the last 12 months went. Well, actually I can. They were spent changing diapers, learning to color, playing outside, going to the allergy clinic, visiting Daddy at work, going to Grammy and Pawpaws house, trying to go to church, doing post-placement paperwork, and....the list goes on. Life fills in the spaces in between the "big" stuff happening and we (I) get caught up in the daily go-go-go. Sorry I haven't actually posted since July. Oops.

Emma will be 2 in another month....that is hard to believe as well. She is, if you don't mind the honesty and a little Mommy bias, growing into a beautiful and smart little girl. She is strong, more resilient than I will ever be, and will never have a problem telling you "how it is". She is going to become a strongwilled but compassionate woman as she grows up and I am so proud of her.

She has chores that she does around the house, with Mommy's help. She feeds the dogs and helps me take them out. She picks up their bowls after they eat. She wipes the table clean with WetOnes after she finishes eating, and she puts her drink cup in her sink. She is very willing to help and do things AS LONG as we let her do it her way and in her own time. What was that about strongwilled? Yeah I thought I was pretty accurate with that. Her speech has really flourished in the past two or three months, and she is speaking in mostly two-word sentences and occasionally she will string three together :) Her sentences go something like this: "Cup me". "Walk me". "Nap me". And the big one...."Go Car Seat". LOL

Lots of people are wondering how we are faring with her allergies, and all I can say is that it is hard work and time consuming but we feel as if we have a good handle on what works and what doesn't. She sees her allergist again in January, although I don't foresee him making any changes then or attempting to retest her so soon. Eating out mostly doesnt work for us, but when we *have to* we order her a plain baked potato and have them bring it to the table still in foil so that we can open it ourselves. Waitstaff are usually very accomodating and helpful and I am always grateful to them for that. Her favorite foods right now are rice cakes, baked potatoes, oatmeal, blueberries and bananas :) she could eat her weight and then some in blueberries.

The rest of our "family life" is pretty uneventful. I stay home with her full time, and we just sort of do whatever works for us that day, and I always try to teach her something new every day. Javier is still full-time at LSU, and studying for his specialty boards that he takes in October. We are all praying he is successful :)

I have tossed around the idea of letting Emma go to preschool one day a week, but I can't make a decision yet. I think she would enjoy it eventually but I am scared of the initial struggle. Plus, I won't have her this age at home for very long....and I'm not sure I am ready to let her go. I know that sounds selfish, and I'll try to leave myself out of the decision but it's so hard.

Well I am sure you are well on your way to sleep after this long and boring post :) I'll try to get a few updated pictures on soon.

Beach Vacation!!

Emma and Mommy in the pool :)

Happy girl

Slightly bored girl....

Daddy and Emma enjoying a rice milk box

20 months old...

Geez. 20 months old sounds so much closer to being a 2 year old than 19 months old does. It sounds so much more grown up, toddler-ish....and much less like a baby. Every day Emma does something new to remind me that she is growing up and getting closer to "big girl" status :)

Things that have changed? Here's the list of milestones we have hit....

-Getting on/off the furniture without help from us (oh boy)

-No more bottles-only sippy cups for our big girl (mostly her idea)

-No more warming the milk, she will take it cold

-Bedtime means telling her it's time to get in her bed with Mr. Puppy (her stuffed toy) and give Mommy a "kiss kiss" instead of turning the lights off, holding her, rocking her, etc.

-Climbing stairs with minimal help from us (again...oh boy)

-Points to her nose, eyes, ears, hair, teeth, tongue, bellybutton and feet when asked :)

-Points to her belly when we ask her where her poo-poo comes from ;)

-Gives LOTS of kisses, hugs, and will even "give knuckles" LOL

-HAS to bring a toy with us in the car. Usually Minnie Mouse.

-Speaking much more clearly (and a few more words!)

Here is what a typical conversation is like....

Me: Emma, did you make poo-poo from your belly?

Emma: No.

Me: Are you sure? Did you make poo-poo in your diapee?

Emma: (while smiling) No. (giggles) Poo-poo. (takes off running)

Some of the words she says now? Momma, Daddy, puppy, car, go, no, more, nose, hey, bop (drink cup), yummy, Pawpaw (my Dad), yay.

Whew. I've got a big girl on my hands now it seems!! Toddlerhood, here we come.....

Headed to finalization!

Tomorrow is our big day as a family of three.....in my heart, it is as big of a day as our Family Day when Emma was placed in our arms for the first time. Tomorrow we will stand before a judge and be declared Emma's parents in the eyes of the law. Are we still her parents tomorrow just as we are today? Yes. Is our family "dynamic" going to change because we heard a judge say those words? No. But in a strange way, it is my chance to get a "do-over" of our Family Day. A chance to savor every second and hug her tightly while they declare us family. I will be holding my daughter, who loves me now...and who trusts me now. Because, seriously guys, on our Family Day I was a nervous wreck. I was scared to death of this little baby and this BIG thing we had taken on (parenting). I didn't know her. I didn't know who she was, what she liked, what she needed. She didn't know me either-and for a while didn't want me. She wanted the mother she had grown to love, her Foster Mom.

Tomorrow I get to be the mother she wants. The mother she has grown to love. I get to say that I know her and I love her and she is mine forever. I know what she wants when she cries one way versus another. I know when she is scared, when she is sad, when she is sick, and when she is just simply happy.

Tomorrow I get to experience the emotions of having her placed in my arms while having the comfort of having already been in the trenches and survived-knowing we have come out stronger on the other side.

From my scared, sad baby girl in Seoul.....

To smiling at me for the first time....

To becoming Mommy's fearless little princess.....

My goodness how far we have come :)

I've got some catching up to do...

Warning....sleeper post ahead. Long and boring. :)

I really haven't written much lately....so sorry! We sort of got lost in the sea of appointments to try and get a handle on Emma's allergies. Since I last posted, Emma has been definitively diagnosed with multiple, severe food allergies. I can't remember if I posted about the results of her skin testing, so pardon me please if this is a repeat for you.

Her skin testing showed allergies to dairy, soy and egg. No other allergies were found at this time, so we are very thankful for that. At the skin test appointment, after results were reviewed by the allergist, we were given paperwork and resources for support groups and online "help" websites like FAAN (Food Allergy and Anaphylaxis Network). We discussed Epipens but the allergist felt as if Emma would always manifest allergic reactions as rashes, eczema and minor hives but would probably never have anything worse. Wrong. Fast forward exactly one week....and Emma woke up covered from eyelids down to her knees, front and back, in hives. She also had major gastrointestinal symptoms. I knew she was reacting but we had no clue to what, as we had been (and continue to be) extremely vigilant about her diet. I called the pediatrician and allergist, got instructions for oral meds, and was told to watch her until the afternoon. About an hour later, she started breathing strangely. It was as if she was having trouble swallowing-she was mouth breathing and grabbing/scratching at her mouth and throat. Long story short, she is okay but we made a trip to the ER and then saw the allergist again the next morning. Needless to say, he immediately prescribed her an Epipen. We had training on how to give it to her and what the plan is for any future reactions. Oh, and the cause of that reaction? She got a straw from a milkshake cup that had just enough dairy in it to send her into a reaction.

Which in turn, brought me to my next "life change". Prior to the allergy situation, and even prior to Emma coming home, I was a vegetarian. No meat, no fish, but I did eat/drink dairy products and egg products. When I realized that trace amounts of allergens could indeed be dangerous for Emma, that meant I needed to ditch the dairy! I am now a proud vegan-dairy free, egg free, meat free, fish free. I consume loads of soy products, but not around her. Soy is pretty much the only thing left for me to eat ;) Now I don't worry "what if she swipes my cup" or "what if I kiss her and it's enough to cause a reaction". Plus, it feels good to eliminate the mass amounts of cheese I was eating. I feel healthier and most importantly, I don't feel like I am a danger to my child. For milk, I drink Almond milk (which I LOVE), for yogurt I eat either coconut milk yogurt or almond milk yogurt, for cheese I am experimenting with some soy cheeses and some rice and bean based cheeses. I was never into butter so I just go without if it is something I used to eat with butter (like baked potatoes).

A few people have asked me about finalizing her adoption. We DO have a court date finally, June 3rd! We get to dress her all cute and go hear the judge officially declare us a family. It isn't really in open court, it will be more of a chambers hearing, but it is still very important to us! Once that is done, we can file for her social security number, passport and Certificate of Citizenship. The adoption finalization doesn't make her a citizen...it just makes her eligible to become one. So, on to more paperwork!

Emma is growing like a weed every day. She hasn't really gained weight in a few months but is growing tall! She is walking and running, loves the water, and loves to be outside. We spend some time outside almost daily, and she helped me plant lettuce and bok choy seeds in the garden this year :) We are also growing herbs, bell peppers and some yellow squash. Emma loves to go out and help me pick stuff, but sometimes she gets carried away and starts ripping seedlings out of the ground. She also has a new friend, Ty! He came home from Korea earlier this year, and we have had several playdates! (And "Mom" dates...it's as much for us as it is for them!) They play well together, in spite of Emma being somewhat of a bully sometimes. But she will learn as she plays more and more.

Here are some most recent pics!

Wordless Wednesday