Oh How Time Flies..

....this time six years ago we were planning a surprise secret wedding. Our own! Six years ago on Christmas Eve night I broke down and told Javier that I didn't want a big wedding, that I just wanted to have something super tiny and just us, and oh, by the way, what are you doing on Saturday? Wanna get married? That was pretty much how it went down. The next day, we enjoyed Christmas as usual, and then on December 26th we went into super secret planning mode. On January 1, 2005, I married the love of my life in a secret wedding at our church. The seats were essentially empty apart from the few family members there. It was quiet, calm, and I am happy to say that instead of being overwhelmed by the idea of hundreds of guests and who sits by who and who is wearing what....I am able to remember every detail of that day and cherish the fact that it was intimate, special and just between us. Fast forward six years and I am so happy with our decision still. I have never for a moment regretted how we were married. After all, it is the marriage that is the important part, not the wedding. :)

Fast forward six years and we are new parents. We have a daughter who is growing by leaps and bounds and shows a little bit more of her (feisty) personality each day. She makes our lives so much richer by just being in them. We have each other to lean on, to embrace, to laugh with and cry with, and we are certainly stronger together than apart. We live near family and are blessed to see them as often as we wish. We have a house that we are comfortable in and that meets the needs of our recently expanded family. We have three furry kids that we love with all of our hearts and that bring us joy every day. We wouldn't be where we are without each other. I wouldn't be the person that I am without my husband. He is my anchor, my rock, he is my compass when I am not sure what to do or where to go next. I love him more today than I ever have and I know I will say that again tomorrow, and the next day, and another six or even sixty years from now. What a life I have to look forward to with him standing next to me.

Javier, honey, for all of the good times and all of the hard times, the times we have laughed, cried, and laughed until we cried, you have not wavered in your love and support. And I love you more than you will ever know. Happy Anniversary!!!

Christmas Pictures!!!

What an amazing day we had!!! I'm still exhausted....but here are some pics to highlight our Christmas with Emma :)

Oh and Santa (my Mom) brought me a sewing machine!!! So look forward to pics of my future projects!

Daddy helping to get the toy out of the box.....quickly....

View from the top....toys and paper everywhere!

Okay somebody show me what to do....

YAY! I love building stuff almost as much as tearing stuff down...

Not sure what to do with the box....

The most decent picture of us from Christmas...

Keeping up the present opening at PawPaw and Grammy's house

Building stuff with Daddy

Mommy's favorite Christmas present!

Riding the turtle

Emma loves PawPaw

Mommy learns to multitask...

It's Christmas Eve...

...and we are getting ready to party! We started having a Christmas Eve dinner at our house probably 3 or 4 years ago, and it started with a couple of people and tonight we are for sure having 10 people, and a few maybes. It is so much fun-we cook it up big and then relax on Christmas Day and have leftovers!! My house is always spotless for Christmas Eve, and decorated fully so that wherever you look, BAM there's Christmas! I am always cooking and cooking and cleaning, and I just absolutely love doing it.

Tonight however, my house is not spotless....it's actually a little dusty, the floors needed to be mopped, and I haven't vacuumed in a week. I would fail a white glove test. This year, I decided to let go of the cleaning and spend every minute savoring my girl's first Christmas home. I spent extra time playing with her, snuggling with her, and Christmas shopping with her. So if you come to my house tonight, know that the layer of dust, the dry mop that hasn't been used this week (or the last few....) and the parts of the house that are only partially decorated are that way because of love. And I'm not at all ashamed to show off my slightly dusty, love-filled home.

Merry Christmas everybody!!

Wordless Wednesday :(

Tonight...

...I will go to sleep wondering what the morning will bring. I will likely dream of the beautiful country that has given us a daughter. Tonight, halfway around the world, my daughter's birth country is choosing to go forward with military drills that will "result in retaliation" from it's hostile neighbors to the north. Tonight, my daughter sleeps peacefully in her bed, but many children are still yet to come home. Tonight I pray for her Birth Family and her Foster Families that they are safe.

My heart is heavy with worry and sadness over what may be to come. I pray that all Koreans, whether North or South, are safe. I pray that all of the children are safe. I pray that peace, or at least continued armistice, will exist between these two countries. It is very difficult to watch the news, and I cannot imagine the fear in the hearts of Mothers and Fathers whose children are still living in South Korea, waiting to come home. Tonight I am saying a special prayer for those parents, their children, and those caring for the children at this time. It is impossible to describe the love I have for South Korea. Every time I look into my daughter's eyes I see a place and its people-her home. Yes, she is home with us now, but Korea will always be her first home. Her birth home. It's people will always feel a kinship for her and she will one day feel the same for them. Yes, she will become an American citizen sometime next year. She will be lucky enough to be able to be both Korean and American.

Lots of people ask us if we plan to adopt again. Of course, war could prevent us from adopting again from Korea. The threatened 2012 closure of the Korean adoption program could also prevent us from adopting. For now I say that I don't know what the future holds for our family, and that it is God's decision. And it is. But in my heart I feel that there is a child, a son, in South Korea waiting for us. He may not have been born....or he may have been. I can't explain my feelings nor do I wish to start the process again at this moment, but I have a feeling that one day we will return to Korea for our son.

Mamas and Daddies, as you wait to travel to Korea to bring your babies home, know that my prayers are with you. My prayers are with all Koreans on both sides of the border. May God grant strength and peace to these troubled nations and keep these babies safe until they are ready to come home.

Prayers.....
Emily

WOW...three months home!

We are officially "three months home" now. :) I know, I know..time is flying. The munchkin is getting oh so big, she is standing without having to pull up on anything, and she is WALKING! Not very far each time, but she can almost walk across the playroom from one side to the other. It helps if I clear a path for her first ;) Overall I think she is doing fabulous. She smiles at us spontaneously, she comes to us both, she hugs us, kisses us, and she also has little tantrums with us. I am happy she is doing ALL of those things...even the tantrums...because all of those things mean she is becoming comfortable enough with us to "show herself" in all ways.

She is having a little bit of what looks like "anxious attachment", or to non-adoptive parents, "separation anxiety". This is directed at me, and it started up right after I got out of the hospital. She stopped sleeping well, cried before bed, cried before naps, and she started these "episodes" of pulling towards me then pushing away. As if she wants to be in my arms, but wants to see if I will still try to hold her and love on her if she acts like a little imp. These last a few minutes at a time, and I just hold her until she calms down. She is usually screaming at the top of her lungs when she is having these episodes. They end with her putting her head on my shoulder, sucking on her fingers and rubbing me with her other hand. I feel like it's a "test" of sorts. To see if "this Mommy" will leave her too or will I stick around. So, my approach is to step up the attachment and bonding activities and see if I can increase her feelings of security. I have started giving her the bottle in the rocking chair in her room, where it is just her and I, and we can make good eye contact during the bottle feeding. I am only leaving her when I absolutely HAVE to...like for doctor's appointments....so that she gets the maximum time with me. I go, do what I need to do, and come straight back home to her as soon as I'm done. I figure I have the rest of my life to do the things I "want" to do...but I have a very critical period of time to solidify our attachment. And to be honest, I have had more than enough time as a non-parent to do those things that I wanted to do..and now I'm focusing on her. And that is all I want to do anyway! She deserves it..

Attachment specialists and books say that for any parent-child relationship, biological or adoptive, a secure attachment takes 2-3 years to form. Makes sense, then, for toddlers to have separation anxiety during the first 2-3 years of life, no matter how their family was formed. That is where attachment parenting and what our social worker calls "investment parenting" comes into play. That is what we are trying to do, and I see hints every day that we are moving in the right direction. It is hard work but the payoffs are incredible. We have seen so much progress in her since coming home and I am amazed at how well she is doing.

I am planning to continue working, but only a shift every two weeks or so. Javier is trying to work it out so that he is home with her when I have a scheduled shift so that he gets to work on the attachment between the two of them. It is just enough "work time" to keep my job and my license, but still lets me essentially be a stay-at-home Mommy :)

Javier is off next week....HOORAY! If I don't get to post much between now and Christmas, I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas. I will definitely put up pictures from Emma's first Christmas home! I can't WAIT!!!!!!

Love to all of you :)

Emily

My world....

'Tis the Season!

...and what better way to celebrate Christmas than a parade! Our town's Christmas parade is, in a word, awesome. Yes they throw candy and beads, and they also throw paper towels, toilet paper, cookies and doughnuts! We took Emma and she had a blast sitting high on Daddy's back watching the fun. Lots of people threw stuffed animals for her, and we racked up on paper towels :)

I think our shopping is finally done, and all the presents are wrapped. My next undertaking is Christmas cookies! We are having Christmas Eve dinner at our house, then our traditional Christmas lunch at my Mom and Dads house. But this year.....we get to play Santa too! OMGosh I know Emma probably wont remember this Christmas but we will never, ever forget it. Our first Christmas as Mommy and Daddy! The kid is going to rack up. We went overboard. Way overboard. But we cant help it. The best thing though is that we can keep lots of toys in hiding, and rotate them every so often to keep them "new"!

Here are a few parade pics....notice Emma's hair waving in the wind!

The New 'Do!!!

Christmastime!!!!!

My *F*A*V*O*R*I*T*E* time of year. Did you catch that? Yep, favorite. I am SOOOOOOOOOO happy it is cold outside, Christmas decorations are up (mine too!!) and shoppers are out in full force. I never knew how much fun it is to wrap a child's presents while they napped. I was smiling ear-to-ear wrapping the munchkin's presents while she slept this afternoon. She has Christmas pajamas. And yes of course there is a picture below!!

We have just been trying to keep up with the holiday madness. Decorating my house took a few days this year, as opposed to the ONE BIG DAY I usually do. It's hard to do anything when Little Miss is awake. But that's ok, I have found out how much I love playing "shopping cart" and "Mister Bear" and blocks. It's pretty awesome. But I go into power mode when she falls asleep! It's the only time I get *alltheotherstuff* done. You know, cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes, blah blah blah. Anyway, we had our second post-placement visit a couple of weeks ago, that went really well. We are hoping to finalize the adoption in March of 2011. We gather all the necessary documents and go to a court hearing with our social worker and the judge declares Emma legally ours forever!!!! Then I apply for her citizenship and social security number. No, the paperwork never really ends, if you were wondering!

Emma is still rocking along, doing great. She can take EIGHT steps on her own now!!!!! I guess that makes her a walker. She loves all food. She has officially gone on strike from baby food-she only wants finger foods or something from our plate. That made me a little sad....signs of growing up already. I'm not ready for her to grow up!!!!!!

Ok, I'm starting to ramble. It's late. I'm tired. I played Santa today and cooked and did laundry. And took Em to get vaccines. I'm one pooped out Mama. BUT I get a new haircut tomorrow and I'm excited! Yep, it's the little things...

...like Christmas PJ's......

....and chubby cheeks.....

....hanging an extra stocking this year....

(Mommy, Daddy, Emma, 3 dogs and a cat)

.....taking that first picture with Santa....

...and the Christmas Tree...

Thank you Lord for Christmas....what a gift. :)

Our first holiday season with Emma!!

Wow...on December 10th Emma will have been home for three months. I can't believe how fast the time is going...it sounds so cliche when I read that on other people's blogs. The old "the time seems to drag on before they come home, then it just flies by" is so. very. true. I knew it would be that way, that she would FINALLY get to come home, then before we would be able to get our feet underneath us again, it would be Christmas. And BAM here it is. Almost (like, literally in days) December. Our first Christmas as parents. Our first Christmas where we almost forgot to get each other something because we are so excited about what to get Emma. Our first Christmas that it is truly all about her. (Won't be the last one that is all about her....something tells me they will ALL be all about her from now on!) It is my parent's first Christmas as grandparents. One of my favorite things is watching my parents love on her. Even in the beginning, when things, well, sucked royally, I always loved to watch them get to know her, interact with her, and love on her. She ADORES them. It is very easy to see how much she adores them. And, she may not understand "parent" versus "grandparent" or the meanings, but she obviously knows they are special to her but are different from Javier and I.

I did a little "12 things about Emma at 12 months" blog a month or so ago. I can't believe how she is changing even in a month's time. She has 16 teeth now....all but 4 are here and ready for biting - food, toys, Mom's arm, whatever she can get them on. She gets teeth 4 at a time and they come in almost overnight. Painful, but fast at least. The Tylenol has been free-flowing in our household lately! She is officially walking also!! She can take 3-4 steps all on her own without holding on to us or furniture, and can walk for miles if she has a hand to hold!! She is so adorable when she walks. She has the biggest, happiest smile on her face and just laughs the whole time....she gets so excited sometimes she can't keep going. Her hair is growing in fast lately too, and I think a little trim is going to be in order for the back...she is sort of getting a "lady mullet". Business in the front, party in the back :) I'm sure the haircut will be less than fun for all involved parties.

We are cleaning out the last spare room of the house. It used to be the office/junk room/animal room. It is now completely empty, carpet stripped, and fresh slate tiles are waiting to be put down to match Emma's room. In a couple of weeks it will be the "play room" so that ALL the nice colorful plastic things that have descended upon our house will have a place to live, and Emma will have a place to play, unstructured, safe and all to herself. I'll post pics of before and after, if I can find any before.
Our computer and a desk is all that is left of our "office" and it now sits in the "sitting room" off the living room. Our life is so very different than it was 4 months ago. It is impossible to describe the way we have all changed but it is also almost impossible to remember life before Emma's grand entrance into our house. I can't WAIT for Christmas this year....what a year it has been!

This was us coming home about three months ago...





Wow.

Adoption Celebration Picnic!

Javier and I have been to several of our agency's Adoption Picnics. We are (until now) the "ones in process" waiting for our child....so you can imagine how special it was to be able to BRING our child to her first picnic!!! Emma had a ball....walking around holding our hands, playing in the leaves, and listening to music. See for yourself!

Thinking about Seoul today....

The boogie man....

...has come to town for sure. Well hello, sniffles, snorts, runny noses and who can forget....fever! The past two mornings, the kiddo has been a hot stinky snotty mess. LOL great visual, I know. And because Mommy is a sucker for baby kisses, even those originating from a newly awake (read: runny nose not wiped yet) sweet baby, this morning Mommy was a hot, stinky...well you got it the first time. Javier was so very eager to get to work this morning and avoid the "booger wrangling" which is what i call it when i chase Emma with the nose drops, Kleenex and bulb syringe aspirator. Funny....I think he said he was going to be late tonight....

The amazing thing is that even with a fever of 100.5 this kiddo is Ready. To. Play. And with a fever of 100.0, this Momma is Ready. To. Sleep.

I wouldn't trade a single degree of the fever....because I got it from the sweetest spontaneous kisses from my girl. Bring it on cold season, because my kiddo loves me enough to kiss me without prompting and I love her enough to be sick the rest of her life, if it means I still get kisses.


Has anyone seen my Kleenex???

Halloween Pics!

We decided Em is too young to figure out the whole "trick-or-treat" thing still, but she is NEVER too young for an adorable costume! Unfortunately Halloween was the same day as her birthday party....and this Momma and Daddy were completely exhausted. We had almost forgotten to buy candy, and had grabbed one giant bag of random candy at the store the day before Halloween. We were stretching it to make it last....we are usually more generous with our Halloween offerings than that!

Emma *hates* anything on her head so sadly there are no adorable photos of her with the costume hood up, which served as the "pumpkin top" with a stem and leaves. Instead of a Headless Horseman, we had a Hoodless Pumpkin. :) she rolled around the driveway in her new Cozy Coupe and sat relatively still for a few pics with Mom and Dad. It was fun, but next year we won't be having a party on the same day, 'cause we were so relieved when the candy ran out. That meant bedtime. For all of us.

Tonight.....

....I got sloppy kisses from my sweet girl. Totally spontaneous, in
the middle of playtime, dropping the toys and throwing her arms around
my neck and planting a big wet one on me. I remember a time it felt
like that would never happen. I'm not talking about our rough
transition or our attachment. I mean a time when it felt like this
child would never be home.

Tonight I put her in her warm fleecy pajamas and remembered the days I
spent picking them out, washing them, folding them and placing them in
her room.

Tonight I changed her diaper after stockpiling diapers in every size
imaginable, because I didn't know what size she might be when she
finally got home.

Tonight I held her in my arms and kissed her sweet face while she
snuggled into my shoulder, ready for bed, and I remembered all the
nights I found myself in her room looking at an empty crib.

Tonight I realized she is finally here. She is home. This child I
prayed over and cried for is steps away sleeping as i write this, and
is home forever.

And she was completely and totally worth the wait.

--

Happy baby, happy pets, happy home

Emily, Emma and Eddie (Emily.nevarez@gmail.com) think that you may be interested in this web page:

http://www.nbc33tv.com/love-read-learn/happy-baby-happy-pets-happy-home

It is a link to our TV segment! Lots of what I said was edited out....but at least Emma and Eddie had good face time!

A Rising Star....

Well folks, Emma has finally managed to squeeze her way into the spotlight. :) We knew from day 1 we had a little diva on our hands....and today she got her chance to shine!

Eddie, one of our Boston Terriers, had a vet appointment today. (Yes, the hubs is a vet, but he doesn't "work on" dogs and cats. Only weird exotic critters.) So off we went, Emma strapped on my chest in the carrier and Eddie on the leash. Thankfully Eddie listens and obeys the best of the three (well, four if you count Emma....LOL) so it was relatively painless to have both of them out in public at the same time. We waltz into the vet office and check in, and sit down. In the corner are two ladies, one of which is obviously a TV "person" with her camera and equipment. They are talking to each other and looking at us. We garner looks often enough, so I didn't think anything about it. I assume they are discussing how adorable my child and dog are. :) Anyway, one of the vet office staff comes out with a baby from the back. (A human baby) It is the veterinarian's little girl. They all talk, and continue to look at us, and talk some more.

They come over and explain that they are filming a segment in conjunction with Woman's Hospital for their Baby Grand (big baby-related expo for expectant Mamas) all about how to prepare your pets for new babies and how to facilitate positive interactions between your pets and your baby. The plan was to interview our vet, with her baby and their dog, regarding her recommendations to pet owners and also her own personal experiences. When they saw us come in....they knew they had to have us!!!! LOL

When I told them that Emma was our first child, and that we brought her home only 2 months ago.....and seal the deal by the fact that our dog was with us.....they asked if I would mind an interview along with some filming of Emma interacting with Eddie. Funny. So, we did it, and then the TV girl said........"Oh this is for Baby Grand this weekend at Womans Hospital.....but it is also going to be on the 5 o'clock news tonight".....Huh?

Crap. I hope I didn't say anything too stupid. Of course this was the day my child woke up 2 hours early and my hair is slightly oily and pulled back into a half-up half-down deal. And I had a T-Shirt on that was older than dirt. Because, seriously? Who dresses up to take the dog to the vet? So......tonight, on WVLA channel 33, there we will appear in all of our glory. Oh, and Emma totally waved to the camera and all the people watching. She, unlike her Mum, is a natural on camera.

12 things about Emma at 12 months....

Ok first of all, I totally stole this idea from a fellow
Momma.....Karen, I hope you don't mind! It was too cute to pass up!

That is my copyright disclaimer. Now, for 12 things about Emma now
that she is 12 months old!

1. She now gives totally unsolicited kisses to Javier and I :)

2. She will let me change her diaper with no/minimal tears IF I let
her play with a keychain or the lotion bottle while the change is in
process.

3. She will wave when she hears hello or goodbye!

4. The screaming of the syllables "ya-ya-ya-ya" over and over indicate
she is VERY unhappy with her current situation.

5. When put in the bathtub, she immediately puts her face under the
water and kicks her legs like a frog

6. She begins sobbing at the sight of spaghetti

7. She very clearly does not like grass

8. Things on her head (hats, headbands, costumes) make her very angry

9. When given a line-up of random foods she will always pick the piece
of chicken first

10. She is currently getting 4 more teeth in for a total of 12!!!

11. One of her favorite toys is a red round plastic cap. Go figure.

12. When I ask her "where is Daddy" she looks at the front door, where
he comes in from work in the afternoons :)

It is finally cold outside....so I'm off to bundle Emma up and take a
walk! We'll see if she might tolerate the new lamb hat her Daddy
bought her if it is cold enough.....

Happy Fall!

--
Emily Nevarez

Emma's Party...Pictures Part 2

Daddy, Grammy, Mommy, Emma and PawPaw

Daddy, Emma and Mommy

Emma loves her some cake :)

Rubbin' it in...

The Tol Table

A dear friend took many many pictures....so as she emails them to me, I will post them here! Here are some highlights....the cake smashing, and sitting Emma in her hanbok on the Tol table!!! Enjoy!!

Emma's Tol Party/First Birthday-Pics Part 1

These are a few pics of before the party. We made posters explaining the Korean traditions that we incorporated, including the Tol table (top picture) where we sat Emma for pictures, and the Toljabi, where she ultimately chose the thread and the pencil, so it looks like we have a long-lived scholar or writer on our hands! I made the cakes, which were my Grandma Emma's cake recipe. It turned out to be a beautiful day, with great family and friends to love on our girl. We are so blessed! Emma did fantastic and really enjoyed smashing her cake and throwing pieces at unsuspecting guests. Pictures coming soon, I promise!!!