Oh How Time Flies..

....this time six years ago we were planning a surprise secret wedding. Our own! Six years ago on Christmas Eve night I broke down and told Javier that I didn't want a big wedding, that I just wanted to have something super tiny and just us, and oh, by the way, what are you doing on Saturday? Wanna get married? That was pretty much how it went down. The next day, we enjoyed Christmas as usual, and then on December 26th we went into super secret planning mode. On January 1, 2005, I married the love of my life in a secret wedding at our church. The seats were essentially empty apart from the few family members there. It was quiet, calm, and I am happy to say that instead of being overwhelmed by the idea of hundreds of guests and who sits by who and who is wearing what....I am able to remember every detail of that day and cherish the fact that it was intimate, special and just between us. Fast forward six years and I am so happy with our decision still. I have never for a moment regretted how we were married. After all, it is the marriage that is the important part, not the wedding. :)

Fast forward six years and we are new parents. We have a daughter who is growing by leaps and bounds and shows a little bit more of her (feisty) personality each day. She makes our lives so much richer by just being in them. We have each other to lean on, to embrace, to laugh with and cry with, and we are certainly stronger together than apart. We live near family and are blessed to see them as often as we wish. We have a house that we are comfortable in and that meets the needs of our recently expanded family. We have three furry kids that we love with all of our hearts and that bring us joy every day. We wouldn't be where we are without each other. I wouldn't be the person that I am without my husband. He is my anchor, my rock, he is my compass when I am not sure what to do or where to go next. I love him more today than I ever have and I know I will say that again tomorrow, and the next day, and another six or even sixty years from now. What a life I have to look forward to with him standing next to me.

Javier, honey, for all of the good times and all of the hard times, the times we have laughed, cried, and laughed until we cried, you have not wavered in your love and support. And I love you more than you will ever know. Happy Anniversary!!!

Christmas Pictures!!!

What an amazing day we had!!! I'm still exhausted....but here are some pics to highlight our Christmas with Emma :)

Oh and Santa (my Mom) brought me a sewing machine!!! So look forward to pics of my future projects!

Daddy helping to get the toy out of the box.....quickly....

View from the top....toys and paper everywhere!

Okay somebody show me what to do....

YAY! I love building stuff almost as much as tearing stuff down...

Not sure what to do with the box....

The most decent picture of us from Christmas...

Keeping up the present opening at PawPaw and Grammy's house

Building stuff with Daddy

Mommy's favorite Christmas present!

Riding the turtle

Emma loves PawPaw

Mommy learns to multitask...

It's Christmas Eve...

...and we are getting ready to party! We started having a Christmas Eve dinner at our house probably 3 or 4 years ago, and it started with a couple of people and tonight we are for sure having 10 people, and a few maybes. It is so much fun-we cook it up big and then relax on Christmas Day and have leftovers!! My house is always spotless for Christmas Eve, and decorated fully so that wherever you look, BAM there's Christmas! I am always cooking and cooking and cleaning, and I just absolutely love doing it.

Tonight however, my house is not spotless....it's actually a little dusty, the floors needed to be mopped, and I haven't vacuumed in a week. I would fail a white glove test. This year, I decided to let go of the cleaning and spend every minute savoring my girl's first Christmas home. I spent extra time playing with her, snuggling with her, and Christmas shopping with her. So if you come to my house tonight, know that the layer of dust, the dry mop that hasn't been used this week (or the last few....) and the parts of the house that are only partially decorated are that way because of love. And I'm not at all ashamed to show off my slightly dusty, love-filled home.

Merry Christmas everybody!!

Wordless Wednesday :(

Tonight...

...I will go to sleep wondering what the morning will bring. I will likely dream of the beautiful country that has given us a daughter. Tonight, halfway around the world, my daughter's birth country is choosing to go forward with military drills that will "result in retaliation" from it's hostile neighbors to the north. Tonight, my daughter sleeps peacefully in her bed, but many children are still yet to come home. Tonight I pray for her Birth Family and her Foster Families that they are safe.

My heart is heavy with worry and sadness over what may be to come. I pray that all Koreans, whether North or South, are safe. I pray that all of the children are safe. I pray that peace, or at least continued armistice, will exist between these two countries. It is very difficult to watch the news, and I cannot imagine the fear in the hearts of Mothers and Fathers whose children are still living in South Korea, waiting to come home. Tonight I am saying a special prayer for those parents, their children, and those caring for the children at this time. It is impossible to describe the love I have for South Korea. Every time I look into my daughter's eyes I see a place and its people-her home. Yes, she is home with us now, but Korea will always be her first home. Her birth home. It's people will always feel a kinship for her and she will one day feel the same for them. Yes, she will become an American citizen sometime next year. She will be lucky enough to be able to be both Korean and American.

Lots of people ask us if we plan to adopt again. Of course, war could prevent us from adopting again from Korea. The threatened 2012 closure of the Korean adoption program could also prevent us from adopting. For now I say that I don't know what the future holds for our family, and that it is God's decision. And it is. But in my heart I feel that there is a child, a son, in South Korea waiting for us. He may not have been born....or he may have been. I can't explain my feelings nor do I wish to start the process again at this moment, but I have a feeling that one day we will return to Korea for our son.

Mamas and Daddies, as you wait to travel to Korea to bring your babies home, know that my prayers are with you. My prayers are with all Koreans on both sides of the border. May God grant strength and peace to these troubled nations and keep these babies safe until they are ready to come home.

Prayers.....
Emily

WOW...three months home!

We are officially "three months home" now. :) I know, I know..time is flying. The munchkin is getting oh so big, she is standing without having to pull up on anything, and she is WALKING! Not very far each time, but she can almost walk across the playroom from one side to the other. It helps if I clear a path for her first ;) Overall I think she is doing fabulous. She smiles at us spontaneously, she comes to us both, she hugs us, kisses us, and she also has little tantrums with us. I am happy she is doing ALL of those things...even the tantrums...because all of those things mean she is becoming comfortable enough with us to "show herself" in all ways.

She is having a little bit of what looks like "anxious attachment", or to non-adoptive parents, "separation anxiety". This is directed at me, and it started up right after I got out of the hospital. She stopped sleeping well, cried before bed, cried before naps, and she started these "episodes" of pulling towards me then pushing away. As if she wants to be in my arms, but wants to see if I will still try to hold her and love on her if she acts like a little imp. These last a few minutes at a time, and I just hold her until she calms down. She is usually screaming at the top of her lungs when she is having these episodes. They end with her putting her head on my shoulder, sucking on her fingers and rubbing me with her other hand. I feel like it's a "test" of sorts. To see if "this Mommy" will leave her too or will I stick around. So, my approach is to step up the attachment and bonding activities and see if I can increase her feelings of security. I have started giving her the bottle in the rocking chair in her room, where it is just her and I, and we can make good eye contact during the bottle feeding. I am only leaving her when I absolutely HAVE to...like for doctor's appointments....so that she gets the maximum time with me. I go, do what I need to do, and come straight back home to her as soon as I'm done. I figure I have the rest of my life to do the things I "want" to do...but I have a very critical period of time to solidify our attachment. And to be honest, I have had more than enough time as a non-parent to do those things that I wanted to do..and now I'm focusing on her. And that is all I want to do anyway! She deserves it..

Attachment specialists and books say that for any parent-child relationship, biological or adoptive, a secure attachment takes 2-3 years to form. Makes sense, then, for toddlers to have separation anxiety during the first 2-3 years of life, no matter how their family was formed. That is where attachment parenting and what our social worker calls "investment parenting" comes into play. That is what we are trying to do, and I see hints every day that we are moving in the right direction. It is hard work but the payoffs are incredible. We have seen so much progress in her since coming home and I am amazed at how well she is doing.

I am planning to continue working, but only a shift every two weeks or so. Javier is trying to work it out so that he is home with her when I have a scheduled shift so that he gets to work on the attachment between the two of them. It is just enough "work time" to keep my job and my license, but still lets me essentially be a stay-at-home Mommy :)

Javier is off next week....HOORAY! If I don't get to post much between now and Christmas, I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas. I will definitely put up pictures from Emma's first Christmas home! I can't WAIT!!!!!!

Love to all of you :)

Emily

My world....

'Tis the Season!

...and what better way to celebrate Christmas than a parade! Our town's Christmas parade is, in a word, awesome. Yes they throw candy and beads, and they also throw paper towels, toilet paper, cookies and doughnuts! We took Emma and she had a blast sitting high on Daddy's back watching the fun. Lots of people threw stuffed animals for her, and we racked up on paper towels :)

I think our shopping is finally done, and all the presents are wrapped. My next undertaking is Christmas cookies! We are having Christmas Eve dinner at our house, then our traditional Christmas lunch at my Mom and Dads house. But this year.....we get to play Santa too! OMGosh I know Emma probably wont remember this Christmas but we will never, ever forget it. Our first Christmas as Mommy and Daddy! The kid is going to rack up. We went overboard. Way overboard. But we cant help it. The best thing though is that we can keep lots of toys in hiding, and rotate them every so often to keep them "new"!

Here are a few parade pics....notice Emma's hair waving in the wind!

The New 'Do!!!

Christmastime!!!!!

My *F*A*V*O*R*I*T*E* time of year. Did you catch that? Yep, favorite. I am SOOOOOOOOOO happy it is cold outside, Christmas decorations are up (mine too!!) and shoppers are out in full force. I never knew how much fun it is to wrap a child's presents while they napped. I was smiling ear-to-ear wrapping the munchkin's presents while she slept this afternoon. She has Christmas pajamas. And yes of course there is a picture below!!

We have just been trying to keep up with the holiday madness. Decorating my house took a few days this year, as opposed to the ONE BIG DAY I usually do. It's hard to do anything when Little Miss is awake. But that's ok, I have found out how much I love playing "shopping cart" and "Mister Bear" and blocks. It's pretty awesome. But I go into power mode when she falls asleep! It's the only time I get *alltheotherstuff* done. You know, cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes, blah blah blah. Anyway, we had our second post-placement visit a couple of weeks ago, that went really well. We are hoping to finalize the adoption in March of 2011. We gather all the necessary documents and go to a court hearing with our social worker and the judge declares Emma legally ours forever!!!! Then I apply for her citizenship and social security number. No, the paperwork never really ends, if you were wondering!

Emma is still rocking along, doing great. She can take EIGHT steps on her own now!!!!! I guess that makes her a walker. She loves all food. She has officially gone on strike from baby food-she only wants finger foods or something from our plate. That made me a little sad....signs of growing up already. I'm not ready for her to grow up!!!!!!

Ok, I'm starting to ramble. It's late. I'm tired. I played Santa today and cooked and did laundry. And took Em to get vaccines. I'm one pooped out Mama. BUT I get a new haircut tomorrow and I'm excited! Yep, it's the little things...

...like Christmas PJ's......

....and chubby cheeks.....

....hanging an extra stocking this year....

(Mommy, Daddy, Emma, 3 dogs and a cat)

.....taking that first picture with Santa....

...and the Christmas Tree...

Thank you Lord for Christmas....what a gift. :)