WOW...three months home!

We are officially "three months home" now. :) I know, I know..time is flying. The munchkin is getting oh so big, she is standing without having to pull up on anything, and she is WALKING! Not very far each time, but she can almost walk across the playroom from one side to the other. It helps if I clear a path for her first ;) Overall I think she is doing fabulous. She smiles at us spontaneously, she comes to us both, she hugs us, kisses us, and she also has little tantrums with us. I am happy she is doing ALL of those things...even the tantrums...because all of those things mean she is becoming comfortable enough with us to "show herself" in all ways.

She is having a little bit of what looks like "anxious attachment", or to non-adoptive parents, "separation anxiety". This is directed at me, and it started up right after I got out of the hospital. She stopped sleeping well, cried before bed, cried before naps, and she started these "episodes" of pulling towards me then pushing away. As if she wants to be in my arms, but wants to see if I will still try to hold her and love on her if she acts like a little imp. These last a few minutes at a time, and I just hold her until she calms down. She is usually screaming at the top of her lungs when she is having these episodes. They end with her putting her head on my shoulder, sucking on her fingers and rubbing me with her other hand. I feel like it's a "test" of sorts. To see if "this Mommy" will leave her too or will I stick around. So, my approach is to step up the attachment and bonding activities and see if I can increase her feelings of security. I have started giving her the bottle in the rocking chair in her room, where it is just her and I, and we can make good eye contact during the bottle feeding. I am only leaving her when I absolutely HAVE to...like for doctor's appointments....so that she gets the maximum time with me. I go, do what I need to do, and come straight back home to her as soon as I'm done. I figure I have the rest of my life to do the things I "want" to do...but I have a very critical period of time to solidify our attachment. And to be honest, I have had more than enough time as a non-parent to do those things that I wanted to do..and now I'm focusing on her. And that is all I want to do anyway! She deserves it..

Attachment specialists and books say that for any parent-child relationship, biological or adoptive, a secure attachment takes 2-3 years to form. Makes sense, then, for toddlers to have separation anxiety during the first 2-3 years of life, no matter how their family was formed. That is where attachment parenting and what our social worker calls "investment parenting" comes into play. That is what we are trying to do, and I see hints every day that we are moving in the right direction. It is hard work but the payoffs are incredible. We have seen so much progress in her since coming home and I am amazed at how well she is doing.

I am planning to continue working, but only a shift every two weeks or so. Javier is trying to work it out so that he is home with her when I have a scheduled shift so that he gets to work on the attachment between the two of them. It is just enough "work time" to keep my job and my license, but still lets me essentially be a stay-at-home Mommy :)

Javier is off next week....HOORAY! If I don't get to post much between now and Christmas, I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas. I will definitely put up pictures from Emma's first Christmas home! I can't WAIT!!!!!!

Love to all of you :)

Emily