Emma's Tol Party/First Birthday-Pics Part 1

These are a few pics of before the party. We made posters explaining the Korean traditions that we incorporated, including the Tol table (top picture) where we sat Emma for pictures, and the Toljabi, where she ultimately chose the thread and the pencil, so it looks like we have a long-lived scholar or writer on our hands! I made the cakes, which were my Grandma Emma's cake recipe. It turned out to be a beautiful day, with great family and friends to love on our girl. We are so blessed! Emma did fantastic and really enjoyed smashing her cake and throwing pieces at unsuspecting guests. Pictures coming soon, I promise!!!

Some Days...

....I just feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. After spending so long wanting and waiting and wishing to be a Mom, I thought sure I'd have more instinct than this. Of course, I have to cut myself some slack (which is NOT easy for me to do)...I was in the hospital last week. I spend a week doped up and out of touch with my normal life, which equates to a week without caring for Emma. I don't think it really affected her attachment very much. She only seemed a little confused this Monday morning when I came into her room to get her up instead of Daddy or Grammy. It was a look of "where the heck have YOU been?"

I do feel like it set me back a little from my attachment to her. I am also still very physically tired and drained, and only today am back to a pretty regular diet. That was not how I wanted to drop pounds, let me tell you. So, the toll of sickness strikes again, but I'm hoping we can rebound quickly. We had a pretty good "groove" going, a great routine, and we were really starting to have fun together. I just keep reminding myself that it is a process, and a very dynamic one at that.

We are having Emma's Tol Party on Sunday. We wanted to have a really big party, but with all of the sickness floating around we had to REALLY scale it back. She had such an upheaval with multiple caregivers last week that we decided it was best to not introduce even more chaos into her life by way of 50 people coming over all at once. But, I will post pictures, and hopefully everyone can enjoy her birthday party that way. Once we settle down (again) we will be back on the visiting wagon and everyone who hasn't met her yet, we will get together with you soon! I promise!!

Emma's First Birthday!

Happy Birthday Emma!

Today is my sweet Emma's First Birthday. Today she is officially
considered no longer an infant, but a toddler. In some ways she is
still very much a baby, but I see changes in her both physically and
in her personality that indicate her transition to toddlerhood. She
can stand on her own very well, and "walks" with the assistance of
furniture, boxes, laundry baskets, and other things she can push
around. She is getting taller and looks more child-like instead of
baby-like. And yes, she is starting to test her limits and mine. She
very clearly understands the word "no" but only occasionally chooses
to listen :) She knows her name, and she has started to look one of
us when she hears Mommy or Daddy.

I am thankful that we get to be with her on her First Birthday, and
all of her birthdays. Having a child home before their First Birthday
in international adoption is becoming somewhat rare. The babies are
matched at an older age, and it is taking longer and longer to get
them home. Even if we stay home all day in our PJ's and do
nothing....it is still a blessing to have her here.

Tonight we will let Emma wear her hanbok, the traditional costume used
to celebrate a child's first birthday. We will light a candle in honor
of her birthmother, who undoubtedly is thinking of Emma today. This
day one year ago, she made a painful but selfless sacrifice so that
our daughter could have a different life than her own. I will be
forever grateful to this woman who lives on the other side of the
world, for the gift of Emma. I may never meet her, but I hope to. Emma
may never meet her, but I hope she can if she wants to.

Sweet Emma, you are loved and celebrated by so many....most of all by
me, who is so blessed to be called your Mother. Happy First Birthday
sweetheart. Mommy loves you so very much.

--
Emily Nevarez

Pics from the weekend!

What a week it has been...

Sorry I have not posted in a while...it's been over a week since my
last update and SO much has happened. Lots of good, lots of
not-so-good! We made it through and we hope this was the last "speed
bump" in our transition as a family!!! At least for a while.

Starting with the good-Javier's Dad and Stepmom came into town for the
weekend last weekend. It was so awesome to see them, and for them to
meet Emma. She took to them very quickly, and I'm glad they had a few
days to get to know her and enjoy her. Emma waved for the first time
while they were here!! She was in the high chair at breakfast and
Javier's Dad was waving at her and all of a sudden she started waving
back!!!! Now she is a waving fool. She waves at everything from us to
the dogs to her dirty diapers when we take them off. Thats pretty
funny to see....a baby waving bye-bye to her poopy diaper.

We spent a lot of time at home, just playing with Em, looking at
pictures and video from our trip to Korea, and relaxing. We grilled
one night, went out to eat a few times, and Em did great. I am so
proud to say that Emma went to dinner at Flemings, a local restaurant,
and sat for 3 hours in the high chair, just eating and playing and
cheesing it up for the people at the other tables. None of us could
believe she did so well for so long. We have lots of pics from the
weekend, I just haven't uploaded them yet, due to the rest of the
week's events. Anyway, Papa and Mama Nevarez left early Monday morning
to go home. It was about an hour later that the fun started.

I woke up around 7 am feeling horrible. Dizzy, nauseated,
feverish....then the barfing began. And it wouldn't stop. Javier was
already at work. My parents were out of town, and anyone I would have
called was at work. Emma woke up at 9 am, and I was still at it. Poor
baby had to take her bottle while Momma heaved into a trash can.
Anyway.....things got worse and I had no choice but to call Javier to
come home. BACK to the ER we went. This time I wasn't given an
option-they pretty much told me I was staying the night. Initially the
thought was appendicitis...so I was put in for a surgery consult.
However, that night Javier got sick. Same symptoms. He drove himself
to the ER and thankfully only needed fluids and a little meds and he
got to go home. Now the list has narrowed to food poisoning or a
virus. Scratch the surgery consult. Morphine and phenergan every 4
hours kept me pretty bombed, so I didn't have a care in the world LOL.
At this point, my Mom and Dad have turned the car around and are
heading home. Call in Aunt Cherri to watch Emma while both Mommy and
Daddy are down....and Aunt Cherri gets sick. Same symptoms. Okay so we
are obviously dealing with a virus!! I'm still in the hospital Tuesday
night because I still can't hold clear liquids down. Geez. To wrap it
up, wash your hands, don't drink after anybody, and wear a mask in
public because something nasty is circulating. And it loves
unsuspecting tummies.

I'm home now. Javier is eating regular food and I finally advanced
today (after 7 days of either nothing or clear liquids) to mashed
potatoes and veggie soup. Thank God. And thank you to Aunt Cherri,
Aunt Erica, Uncle Eric and Auntie Megs. And a million thank yous for
my Mom and Dad for canceling their vacation to come home and tend to
their sick kids. And wash our clothes, care for Emma, drive me home
from the hospital, and cleaning the cat litter box. You guys rock.

Anyway, that's where I've been the past week. I'll post more pics
soon, I promise.

Emily

--
Emily Nevarez

Wordless Wednesday!!

Fun Day and Reflections....

I'll put it out there. We had an awesomely fun day today. One month
ago, you could not have convinced me with all of the money in the
world that we would have had so much fun today. One month ago, I was
on a plane with a screaming baby who I could not see ever having a
normal moment with, much less having FUN with! One month ago I was a
long way from where I am now. Not to say there isn't always progress
to be made, especially on my behalf, but it's nice to know how far we
have come.

Today we woke up early, packed stuff for a whole day, and went out on
the town! Javier had to spend a little time at work this morning, so
Emma and I dropped him off and had some girl time together. We brought
the jogging stroller and parked on the LSU campus and strolled around
campus for a couple of hours. We saw Mike the Tiger, ate a snack under
the oak trees, strolled the Quad where Mommy and Daddy used to go to
school (how old did THAT make me feel...) and enjoyed the beautiful
weather. Oh, and Mommy had to break into a building to use the
bathroom. Pulling a stroller up the stairs (seriously LSU, no ramps?).
Oh and Mommy lost her iPhone. But by the grace of God alone it was
still face down halfway in the street on South Stadium Drive when I
flew back 30 minutes later to look for it. It is a miracle no one ran
over it. I had already started to formulate what I was going to tell
Javier. It started something like this..."Emma is fine. I did NOT
leave the baby in the street. However..." but it didn't have to come
to that.

After sweating the near death of my phone, and all associated
cell-usage privileges, we stopped off to let Em see the birds at the
vet school, change clothes, and off to lunch and the MALL! Mommy's
fave! Em did great until nap time. She had really put up with us
hauling her from store to store and finally had a fit. So we checked
out and strapped her in to the carseat....and less than 5 minutes she
was out like a light. Just as any good Mom and Dad would do, we drove
all over creation for an hour and a half so she could nap. :) we drove
to get ice cream (ate it in the car no doubt), drove by our old
apartment (nostalgia again), and drove by the neighborhood Gymboree to
scope out classes to take the kiddo to. She woke up all smiles, we hit
Old Navy for an oh-so-adorable coat for her (can you say tiny red
peacoat? I thought you could) and home we went. Now she sleeps.

When we got home, the books I ordered (for all of my spare time....)
had come in. There is a book called I Wish For You A Beautiful
Life....it is a collection of letters written by actual birthmothers
in Korea to their babies who were placed for adoption. The letters
include some of the reasons babies were placed for adoption, the story
of the birthmothers labor and delivery, but mostly just talk about all
of the things these women want for the babies they have placed for
adoption. I started reading it and cannot stop. These letters are so
simple, so beautiful, and I realize more than ever the gift that I
have been given by this woman who lives on the other side of the
world. Will I ever get to thank her? I hope so. I do plan to write to
her, and send the letter to the agency in Korea to be placed in Emma's
file. They will not send it to her, but they will leave it in her file
if her birthmother comes to request it. I want her to have peace, if
possible, with her decision. To know how much we love Emma and how
thankful we are to her for her selfless decision. I think about her
more and more as we near Emma's birthday. I know in my heart that her
birthmother is thinking of her, wondering about her. I can't imagine
how she feels now, or how she felt when Emma was born. I can't imagine
what it is to feel that pain and loss. But I will always make sure
Emma knows how much she is loved by this woman, and by me.

What a day.

--
Emily Nevarez

One Month Ago....

...we were outbound crossing somewhere near the Russian border right now on our way to Seoul. I can't believe it has been one month. I can't believe we went, got our baby girl, came back, and now she is here. The first three weeks were so rough they barely register in my brain, but the past week to two weeks we have turned a corner. We are starting to see her sweet personality more every day, and she is truly a happy child (being worm free, well fed and well rested have LOTS to do with that...). She smiles at us, gives us big hugs, and even kisses every now and then. She is crying and fussing much less than before, and I even got a "cry-free" diaper change for my birthday gift!

I have felt a growing sense of normalcy...a new normalcy...in the past few days. I have started waking up at 7 or 8 in the morning, and she sleeps until 10, so I have 2-3 hours of time to spend doing whatever I need or want to do around the house. Whether it is getting ready for the day, drinking coffee, reading my Bible, or just sitting outside enjoying our newfound fall weather. That has helped me feel loads better, just having a little time to myself while she sleeps peacefully. She naps every afternoon for about 2 hours, which I devote to either a nap or whatever I didn't finish that morning. There is so much to be said for having a routine.

Today we got all dressed up and went out for Mommy's birthday!! I dressed us up super cute and girlie, and we had a great time eating pizza for lunch (well, she had baby food, but oh well..) and hitting Wal-Mart for some gifts for her birthday coming up! This afternoon my wonderful husband had the most gorgeous roses delivered to the house, and he gave me a matching necklace and ring set with her birthstone for my b-day gift :) We ate dinner as a new family of three....and now I'm off for a bubble bath ALL BY MYSELF!!! But, I'll probably think about Emma the whole time. Cause I'm starting to get that "Mom" feeling lately, and it feels pretty good!

Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts. They have truly carried me through one of the most difficult times of my life, one that I didn't think would be difficult. You are all so special to me and I thank God for you daily.

I leave you with pics of my girlie and me!!!